3 and some change

So my little man turned 3 on July 3rd. I cannot believe he is already 3!!!!! Time needs to slow up for sure. We had a small family celebration on the 3rd and the big family celebration on the 4th. His big party included an epic water fight in our new pool followed by presents, a barbeque, s'mores cupcakes, and sparklers. Later that night we went to the big fireworks show our town puts on for the community. It was a great weekend.

 

 

As for the changes coming in our lives, there has been lots of indecision lots of frustration and lots of tears. We decided last minute I couldn't go through with the hysterectomy due to finances. At almost $5,000 out of pocket after insurance, it was simply more than we could afford. I look forward to having it out someday so I can be comfortable again, but not now.

We have officially listed our house for sale. Again for financial reasons. It was a learning experience. A mortgage we should have been able to afford then a slow down at work made it next to impossible to have a family and the house at the same time. So over the last few months we have put our hearts and souls and blood, sweat and tears into this place. Pulling from resources we didn't have to pull from. (Thank God for banks willing to loan money for things like reno) We finished the basement with an extra family room, 1/2 bath and bedroom. We also had the unexpected reno of the upstairs guest bath. A new toilet, a new tub and surround and she's good as new again. But it's now even more imperative that we sell this house quickly because we have the loan we got to cover the renovations. Which takes us to the next sort of change.

I will not be going back to school this fall as I had planned. With so much uncertainty going on with the housing and finances we simply cannot afford for me to go back to school. We are barely scraping together each paycheck as it is, so there is no way we could afford for me to drive 3 hrs away each week and take out student loans and swing another small rental budget. I was also very saddened that I would be missing all of my PJ's kindergarten things. I would be missing out on all the little plays and holiday parties that they get in school. Missing parent teacher conferences. Missing that first day. I just can't miss those thing, because once you do you can never get them back, and my husband wouldn't be able to make it to them either due to his work schedule. So, for better or worse, I've decided to give up my dream of being a teacher. I guess that means I have no more dreams- which is very sad. Lots of tears over this decision. Instead I will try to get on with the school district in a different capacity that will still allow me a steady paycheck to help make up the difference in our budget while allowing me to have the holidays and summers off with the kids.

All in all, I feel like I've given up a lot of dreams for my family this year. We've made some pretty big sacrifices to make things work for them. The house, my career, even my health. I'm struggling not to be bitter or upset about this, but its pretty hard. Focusing on the positive things helps, but it's still not what I had envisioned for us. Maybe someday I will get to go back, but I seriously doubt it. That in itself is depressing. I will leave this post with one of my happy thought: perhaps selling this house will let us move to a new place where we can have the livestock I dream of, letting my kids do 4-h. Sometimes letting go of old dreams lets us discover new ones.