A quick post

for those who dont know and didnt pay attention to our new heading, we are expecting child #3. the exact due date is unknown right now as my last monthly visity does not seem to corrispond to time of conception as it normally would. i have another ultrasound this week with dr beck and hopefully we can see more than we did last week. he is fairly optimistic that even though the timing is off that the pregnancy will go normally. although he did mention that because mine is so early that i should know that 45% off all pregnancies at this stage end in misscarriage. but being as i've had two normal healthy ones he thinks things will be fine. again we will know more on the 1st. if you want my guess at a due date i would say the end of may to the beginning of june.

Baylie tested positive on monday for influenza a...we will know in a couple weeks if its h1n1 (swine flu). she is trying to recover from that. but as i type james is at the clinic with her because we are seeing little progress and she is over half way through the medication. my worry is pneumonia. * update* not pneumonia.

I am sick as well. I have bronchitis and an upper respiratory infection. normally they would give me an inhaled steriod to help but they can't becuase of #3. so i am stuck with tylenol, psuedaphedrine, and robitussin (yucky!!). Sleep has been difficult becuase baylie has been ill and nights are hardest on her.

James and daisy remain well. apparently so far daisy seems to have a super human immune system. she shares everything with baylie and hasnt even come down with the sniffles. James continues the hunt for a job. i continue to sub...which is finally starting to pick up. but i really must go lay down now, i am hurting something fierce. so ttfn

Given Freely

Something given freely with no string or expectations attached can sometimes bring you more than you ever thought possible. But when love is given freely (and love comes in many forms) it is the most beautiful and touching thing ever. If you dont know about our situation right now its not great. James and I as a couple are fine, but he lost his job 3 weeks ago and hasn't been able to find anything yet, so our financial situation is grave bordering on dire. I have been stressing on how we are going to make our bills, buy food, and the clothes that Baylie needed for the winter. By the generosity of someone very special to me (she's been like a sister for almost 17 years because her sister may as well be mine, and her family 'adopted' me a long time ago) a huge monster sized weight has been lifted off my shoulders in the form of clothes for my kids. She called it a trade because we pass on all of our outgrown kids clothes to her. I call it the best gift I think I may ever have had. Words do not even begin to express the gratitude I have for her and her husband. I never thought that the love we gave to her and her family in the form of hand-me-down clothes would have ever come to this- I hoped it wouldn't accutally. But somethings are out of our control. So once more for you (and you know who you are) thank you for love given so freely and selflessly that I only hope one day I can, in some way, repay it to you (and more than just hand-me-down clothes). I want you and your family to know that I have always loved you and held you close to me in my heart, and though you didn't need or have to do what you did, you are even more special to me now then I ever could have known you would be. Thank you.

God's Hands

I know that God's hands are leading us and guiding us to where he wants us to be. But sometimes it feels like he's taking us way off the beaten path. The unfamiliar is scary and dark. And sometimes it feels like no matter how hard you try to get back to the light sunny path you liked so well that God's hands block every attempt. I know He never gives us more than we can handle, but right now it feels like He's testing the very boundary of that. Like he wants to make us say uncle over and over even though we are already on our knees crying for help. That which doesn't kill us only makes us stronger. I believe that sentence, but how close to death do you have to be to come out stronger. Nothing has worked out the way we hoped for, every inch we've gained since marriage has been painstaking and hard, just when we feel like we can make to the next inch we always get knocked back a foot. Lately it feels like we were really starting to climb that mountain and God's hands shoved us back down, into a cave we didn't even know existed. There seems to be no way to climb the walls of this cave, there's no rope, no hidden trap door, no ladder, and no one standing over us with an outstretched hand to help us back up. What do you do when you can't pay your bills, can barely put food on the table, the government won't help because of the work you've already done, you have to put tags on the one and only vehicle you have that runs, and your kids need new clothes and shoes. No matter how hard we look we can't find him a job, mine is as needed and I only get paid once a month, so all the work I do this month I get paid for next month. We cant make the bills we have due at the end of this month, and if we don't pay them on time we will never get caught back up. Baylie has dental work scheduled for next month that we can't pay for because we have no insurance now. I feel so lost and mad and frustrated, I can't even afford the medication I need to keep my stomach feeling okay after that surgery...which I can't afford to pay for now...even the little insurance wont cover. I feel like we are sinking and I can't stop it from happening it just is and that God, well I don't know what He wants from us yet.

Standing on my soapbox for a stupid reason

So here I go (walking to podium). I get so mad when people call Daisy Ann any thing but Daisy Ann or the nickname we gave her which is Banana's ( Daisy Anna Banana). I understand that grandparents are entitled to give their grandchildren nicknames as well, but the one I told everyone I hate and yet still ppl call her is Daisy May. It just sounds so hick and redneck like we should live in Arkansas, play banjos, and james should call me sis! I gave my children beautiful names, and Daisy is old and beautiful Ann is after my mother. James' mom and grandma both said they didnt want their names used and my step mom already has grandchildren named after her. So ppl give her a nickname all your own (like we call baylie roo or like della calls her baylie boo) but please stop making her sound inbred and for god's sake PLEASE STOP CALLING HER DAISY MAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!