God's Hands

I know that God's hands are leading us and guiding us to where he wants us to be. But sometimes it feels like he's taking us way off the beaten path. The unfamiliar is scary and dark. And sometimes it feels like no matter how hard you try to get back to the light sunny path you liked so well that God's hands block every attempt. I know He never gives us more than we can handle, but right now it feels like He's testing the very boundary of that. Like he wants to make us say uncle over and over even though we are already on our knees crying for help. That which doesn't kill us only makes us stronger. I believe that sentence, but how close to death do you have to be to come out stronger. Nothing has worked out the way we hoped for, every inch we've gained since marriage has been painstaking and hard, just when we feel like we can make to the next inch we always get knocked back a foot. Lately it feels like we were really starting to climb that mountain and God's hands shoved us back down, into a cave we didn't even know existed. There seems to be no way to climb the walls of this cave, there's no rope, no hidden trap door, no ladder, and no one standing over us with an outstretched hand to help us back up. What do you do when you can't pay your bills, can barely put food on the table, the government won't help because of the work you've already done, you have to put tags on the one and only vehicle you have that runs, and your kids need new clothes and shoes. No matter how hard we look we can't find him a job, mine is as needed and I only get paid once a month, so all the work I do this month I get paid for next month. We cant make the bills we have due at the end of this month, and if we don't pay them on time we will never get caught back up. Baylie has dental work scheduled for next month that we can't pay for because we have no insurance now. I feel so lost and mad and frustrated, I can't even afford the medication I need to keep my stomach feeling okay after that surgery...which I can't afford to pay for now...even the little insurance wont cover. I feel like we are sinking and I can't stop it from happening it just is and that God, well I don't know what He wants from us yet.