3 and some change

So my little man turned 3 on July 3rd. I cannot believe he is already 3!!!!! Time needs to slow up for sure. We had a small family celebration on the 3rd and the big family celebration on the 4th. His big party included an epic water fight in our new pool followed by presents, a barbeque, s'mores cupcakes, and sparklers. Later that night we went to the big fireworks show our town puts on for the community. It was a great weekend.

 

 

As for the changes coming in our lives, there has been lots of indecision lots of frustration and lots of tears. We decided last minute I couldn't go through with the hysterectomy due to finances. At almost $5,000 out of pocket after insurance, it was simply more than we could afford. I look forward to having it out someday so I can be comfortable again, but not now.

We have officially listed our house for sale. Again for financial reasons. It was a learning experience. A mortgage we should have been able to afford then a slow down at work made it next to impossible to have a family and the house at the same time. So over the last few months we have put our hearts and souls and blood, sweat and tears into this place. Pulling from resources we didn't have to pull from. (Thank God for banks willing to loan money for things like reno) We finished the basement with an extra family room, 1/2 bath and bedroom. We also had the unexpected reno of the upstairs guest bath. A new toilet, a new tub and surround and she's good as new again. But it's now even more imperative that we sell this house quickly because we have the loan we got to cover the renovations. Which takes us to the next sort of change.

I will not be going back to school this fall as I had planned. With so much uncertainty going on with the housing and finances we simply cannot afford for me to go back to school. We are barely scraping together each paycheck as it is, so there is no way we could afford for me to drive 3 hrs away each week and take out student loans and swing another small rental budget. I was also very saddened that I would be missing all of my PJ's kindergarten things. I would be missing out on all the little plays and holiday parties that they get in school. Missing parent teacher conferences. Missing that first day. I just can't miss those thing, because once you do you can never get them back, and my husband wouldn't be able to make it to them either due to his work schedule. So, for better or worse, I've decided to give up my dream of being a teacher. I guess that means I have no more dreams- which is very sad. Lots of tears over this decision. Instead I will try to get on with the school district in a different capacity that will still allow me a steady paycheck to help make up the difference in our budget while allowing me to have the holidays and summers off with the kids.

All in all, I feel like I've given up a lot of dreams for my family this year. We've made some pretty big sacrifices to make things work for them. The house, my career, even my health. I'm struggling not to be bitter or upset about this, but its pretty hard. Focusing on the positive things helps, but it's still not what I had envisioned for us. Maybe someday I will get to go back, but I seriously doubt it. That in itself is depressing. I will leave this post with one of my happy thought: perhaps selling this house will let us move to a new place where we can have the livestock I dream of, letting my kids do 4-h. Sometimes letting go of old dreams lets us discover new ones.

Surgery, blood pressure, and.....college?!

My oh my, what a week and a half its been at the casa de Soesbe! Per my last post my bp was skyrocketing out of control, but medication had be prescribed to help. Well at my doctors request I came back after a week of taking the medication and much to the surprise of the nurse practitioner my bp had dropped down to 120/78, much closer to my "normal" and well within the parameters of safe.

With the news of my improved bp, the ob/gyn's office called me back this morning with notes from the man himself that said to go ahead and schedule all the pre-op things and a set a date for surgery. EEEKK!! I'm looking forward to the surgery, but as I sit here I find that I am both nervous and sad as well. Nervous for several reasons. There's always a risk associated with surgery. Then there's the fact hubby has to take off 2 days of work because they don't operate on Fridays, we might be able to slim that down to one day if I can find someone to help me out on Friday. I'm sort of sad too because this is the end of the end of the end with kids. I mean I know we aren't having any more, but now its something about the fact that I can't anymore. Period. The End. Game over. It's a bit sad to me. But all of that is overshadowed by the fact that I will no longer have the yuckiness that surrounds my monthly flow. 3 weeks of the month of nothing but feeling sick, hormones, with a heaping side of pain and misery sandwiched in the middle just for fun. My uterus has been a dear frienemy to me for all of my life. It's also been an amazing giver of life, the protective powerhouse that nourished and supported of all 4 of my children. And so I am sad to see it go, but happy to finally feel good again.

And lastly, over the past 2 weeks the hubs and I have been talking about going back to school. I have about 2-2 1/2 years left to finish the degree I originally started out to achieve. Waaaay way back in the fall of 2003 I started college at Kansas State to get my degree in Agricultural Education. He is undecided what he wants to be when he grows up, but he knows that he doesn't want to continue doing what he's doing in the patch. His body is falling apart out there and we both know he won't make it to retirement age out there. So the plan is, at this moment, to have us both return at the same time. Me full time, him part time on the nights/computer based. Then when I graduate and get a job he will finish off his degree by going back full time. Hopefully at the end of 3-4 years we will both be working in careers we both really enjoy and can retire from.

Blood Pressure and a Hysterectomy

Last week I went to see my Ob/Gyn for my yearly womanly thing...well in this case it was like one every 2 years (my Ob is a really busy man I made that appointment 2 years ago at my last check!). I love my Ob, he's a terrific man with a huge heart. I've been having repro issues, well all my life really but I never knew it until a few years ago, so we started the conversation of a hysterectomy right after Wes was born. As the years have gone on the issues are getting worse and so at this meeting we decided that it was time for the surgery to happen sooner rather than later. One problem. I suddenly seem to have an issue with my blood pressure. All of my adult life it's never been an issue, even in pregnancy, but it is now. I've gone from a normal bp of 110/78 to 140/91...yikes! So, in order to have the surgery safely I have to get my bp down. He started me on a medication to help, and I am starting a new "diet" and work out program this Thursday. Couch to 5K is something I've done in the past with success, so I will be going back to it. I am trying to not see this different way of eating as a diet as that puts me in the mind frame of "can't have" or "don't eat" an that always leads me to feelings of resentment. So, this time I am just trying to just look at is as eating healthier.
In other news, my Pepper J. is now off of her IEP, or she will be in May when the school year ends. She no longer needs it for her speech. I'm not sure I am ready for her to start Kinder though. I'm not sure she's there, but I have time to decide.
Today I had my school tour for Weston as well. The preschool does this will all incoming kids regardless of other siblings that may have gone or are still in the school. So Wes will be in the same school and in the same class as Pepper, luckily for the classroom, Pepper won't be there this fall when Wes starts. Those two are like oil and water and fight...a lot! We started potty training Wes over the Easter break, he's getting there, we almost have it down- boys are definitely different than girl where potty training is concerned!
Baylie just had her IEP meeting as well. She's progressing so nicely, we are blown away. She is now loosing one of her therapies, which is amazing! She will no long have adaptive PE because she is now strong enough to not need it any more. However, the adaptive PE teacher is still on her IEP as a consult in the event she runs into something she needs help on. Amazing little girl. She will do Extended school year aka summer school, just to help solidify some of the areas that are rough for her.
Daisy is Daisy. She's great in school. We found out on Easter, thanks to my mom and step dad, that both Daisy and Baylie are both very good at softball. Very natural with the bat and good (surprisingly) with the hand eye coordination needed to hit the ball. So, we decided to go ahead and sign them both up for softball at our local recreation center, that will start April 27 and run to July 9th. 3 days a week and then games on the weekends...oh boy, what did I sign myself up for?! lol.
That's it for Soesbe household news!

 

And for accountability sake my dinner planner:

1) Chicken stir-fry Pitas

2) Turkey Burgers w/no sodium green beans & mashed sweet potatoes

3) Swai w/ Wild rice and Sautéed summer veggies (red peppers, summer squash, zucchini, onion)

4) Skinny chicken salad (via skinnymom.com) pitas & chips (chips for the kids and hubs not me)

5) Chicken Eggplant Parmesan w/veggie noodles and garlic bread (bread for kids not me)

6) Grilled chicken breast w/ side salad and berries

7) Oatmeal w/ eggs and turkey sausage

One year, and a busy August!

*****This was a draft I wrote in august of 2013 that was never published, but I feel like its been in the draft box long enough and deserves to see the light of day.*****

Weston turned one July 3rd!! I cannot believe how fast the time has gone. He's such a little ham, and we love him to bits. This picture was taken on his first birthday!

 

 
 
 
 Here is a picture taken from his party we did on the 4th. This is the dessert bar! We had apple pie, cupcakes, ice cream and s'mores!

 

Two Years

It's been two years since I last posted.
The last two years have been a roller coaster of ups and downs but I will do the best I can to do a brief updates. Last October we sold our house, and had to temporarily move into a smelly small apartment. Let's say that 6 people in a two bedroom 1.5 bathroom 800 sq feet apartment on the top floor with a dog is not fun. Thankfully, we were able to purchase a new house in our old neighborhood within 3 months of closing on our old house- I don't think I could have taken another month in that apartment!
After selling our old house we used the profit from it (the good thing about buying a foreclosure is that there is usually a pretty decent profit) to pay off every single thing in our lives. And for 3 months we were completely debt free for the first time in our 9 year relationship. Yep, even the vehicles are paid off!!
Baylie:
Baylie has just turned 9! Can you believe that?! One more year and she will cross into the double digits. She is finishing up her 3rd grade year and is doing very well in school. She has come so very far in the last couple of years. Something in second grade clicked in her head and suddenly she became the spelling queen. She's funny and loving and very maternal. I can't wait to see what the next few years bring for her academically because she is far surpassing anything anyone could have imagined (especially me!).
Daisy:
Daisy turned 7 in December. She is rocking 1st grade. She is so smart, I am blown away by how fast she picks things up. Last weekend she finally got the hang of riding her bicycle without the training wheels, we celebrated by buying her a new helmet with a unicorn on it :) I wish desperately we could afford to put her in sports- like dance or gymnastics. Daisy is thoughtful and witty and very helpful. Watching her grow and learn has been so much fun.
Pepper:
Pepper Jeannette...oh Pepper my Pepper. She is crazy and funny and spirited and so much more. She is getting ready to start kindergarten in the fall and is very excited. She's been in early intervention for about a year getting speech therapy, the school therapist thinks this will probably continue into grade school for her pretty pronounced lisp. The school calls PJ a "very strong will child" meaning that when she doesn't want to do something even the almighty power of God couldn't make her do it. We all that hard headed. She has a beautiful kind soul and she simply doesn't take any crap from anyone...ever.
Weston:
Weston is so smart, and funny and ALL boy. I love having a boy, he makes things....interesting. He's 2 and a half and is some where between the terrible two's and the threating threes, with just a hint of the forceful fours. He loves dirt and mud and tractors, but has to have Baylie's old purple blanket to sleep every night and lugs it everywhere with him when we go to town. He loves things that sparkle and shine- the brighter the color the better. He's at a stage where all he wants to do is help...he could help someone to an early grave I think! My life is definitely a little brighter with him in it and way more complicated in the best sort of way.
Everything else:
James and I are still doing good, 9 years of marriage and coming on 10 years of dating and I still love him- I call that a win. At Christmas we added another member to our family in the form of a 4 legged friend. His name is Cowboy and he is 1/2 standard collie, 1/4 border collie, 1/4 chow. He's been a challenge. Right after our move into the new house he started having seizures. For almost a month he had test after test and what seemed like an ever increasing dosage of medication to help control them. The medication cause excessive urination and behavior issues with the kids. It was looking bleak with him, we were pretty certain we would have to re-home him to someone that could afford his meds and dr. bills and had time to work with the peeing and behavior, but as suddenly as they came they left, we were able to back him off the meds and eventually stopped and they haven't been back home since. All the issues we had with the meds vanished as well.
I promise to update more. As I read back through all my old posts from the years of blogging I realized I missed writing out my thoughts, the kids crazy antics and the ever changing dynamic of our household. Those memories are written there for me to read whenever I feel like it for me to keep preserved and cherished for the future. Things I have forgotten with time and a busy life. And I know in the last two years there are things that I should have put down, cherished memories that are buried somewhere in my subconscious that may or may not resurface. And, so I will no longer blog to do it, but instead as a kind of indestructible memory album.
That is all for tonight.

A minute finally

We have been so busy lately, its been hard to find a moment to come on here and update!
First, Pepper Jeannette turned 3 last week!! Wow, its so hard to believe my baby girl is already 3! She's so naughty and challenging and beautiful and funny and sassy! What a cheeky girl she is. The other day I had my back turned to her as I was outside grilling. She came out and said "Hi momma!" It sounded just like Daisy so I replied without turning to see "Hi Daisy!" To which a very indignant Pepper retorted "I'm NOT Daisy! I'm Pepper!!" Then she turned and huffed back in the house. Oh how I laughed and laughed. My firey little whipper snapper makes me want to tear my hair out with her antiks and laugh with her humor and wit. She had a luau in the park to celebrate her birthday, and has now found a love of  "mingos" aka flamingos. I have my sister and my grandparents on the look out for a stuffed one for her.

Okay before you ask this is her birthday doughnut lol. A friend of mine was having a fundraiser and instead of a cake I bought PJ birthday doughnut on her actual birthday. The party had real cake and cupcakes!

My little luau princess!

Her real birthday party cake- Pink Lemonade! The picture looks pink and gray, but it was honestly pink and purple lol.

Weston and great grandpa.

Presents!!

 

I like making cupcakes. I just made a bunch for a friends baby shower. Theme was "Little Man" and she jumped on the 'stache trend.

 

Daisy did a princess cheer camp the first full week of this month. She had a lot of fun and did a great job! After her preformance we came home and she was being goofy with the umbrellas we used for the pink lemonade cupcakes.

Baylie got student of the month this month! Second year in a row she's recieved this honor! We are so very proud of her and how hard she works in school.

My sister in law and I have been training to run a 5k using the couch to 5k program- we've been at it about 3- 3 1/2 weeks now. This last weekend we did our first 5k- we kind of did a run walk and finished it in about 45 minutes. Thats not bad since we are only on week 3ish of 8! Either way we had fun and we can say we did it. Its race #1 of 5 in the 'feet dont fail me now' series our local rec center puts on. The next one is on June 13th and its only a 2 miler. BUT the next one after that is on July 4th and its 4 miles! But, we will have completed our training by then and should be able to rock the socks off of both of the next races! We aren't doing it to win or for time but to say we did it. And to get in shape.

This is after we finished- no one passed out or had a heart attack- we consider that a win!

 

 

I cant leave off my little man. He's 10 months now and finally started crawling properly. He's trying hard to stand on his own. His vocabulary consists of "momma" "dadda" "dog" "no-no" and on rare occasions "hello".  He understand far more than that though. He's so happy and laid back, such a great little person.





 

Autism Awareness Month- April

This poem is NOT by me, but its beautiful and perfect. I am not a fan of the awareness ribbons, so I have decided that the puzzle piece butterfly is my prefered symbol for Autism Awareness.
April is Autism Awareness Month. So in honor of my Baylie:

God’s Beautiful Butterfly
I am a child who has Autism,
Who may not do things exactly like you.
But that does not mean I am useless,
I have feelings and emotions, just like you.

I can hear the things you are saying,
Even though with words I cannot yet speak.
I may not be able to play sports like you,
But that does not mean I am weak.

I know there are many things about me,
That you simply do not understand,
But please don't assume things about me.
Talk to me, and perhaps offer to shake my hand.

I may have a mind that works differently,
Pages in a book – I may flap instead of turn,
But that does not mean you can't teach me,
You might be surprised at just what I can learn.

If you think when I don't cooperate, I'm misbehaving,
And conclude that I'm not disciplined enough,
Please take a moment to consider,
That the road I am traveling can be tough.

When you stare at me, point, or start to whisper,
It makes me sad, and I so want to cry ---
Why do you view me as some crippled caterpillar?
Why can’t you see that I'm God's beautiful butterfly?

~~~~~~~~~